I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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