I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
