so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
