Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
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Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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