Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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