i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
