I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
