Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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