i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
