just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
