Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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