you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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