Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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