There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
