her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
