I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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