The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
