why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
