so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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