life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
