meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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