I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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