Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
