Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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