well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
