i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
