Im at strip club and am horny
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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