Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
