I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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