He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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