Betty ford says i'm here all night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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