so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
