WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
