Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
