I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
