I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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