Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
