Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
