I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
