If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
