i already hear my dad disowning me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
