Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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