mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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