Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She needs sedatives and a leash
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
