Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
