im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
