so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
