I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
