Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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