She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
