It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
