So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize