i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
