just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
