ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
