she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
