planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
