so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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