I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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