I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
