I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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