Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
