just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
