Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
