Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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