you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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