Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
