you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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