I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
