So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
