What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
